Friday, January 28, 2011
What the Nanny Does When You Turn Your Back!!!!!
Advice to Parents, From Nanny #1
Dear Parents,
Why are you so gross?
Love,
Your Nanny
Advice:
Do not, EVER, under ANY circumstances, allow me to go into your bedroom to retrieve your
child/ dog/ sheets/ dry cleaning,
if you have left out in FULL VIEW OR HAPPENSTANCE your
"maritial devices"/ "nudey pants"/ "shocking photographs"/ "loose paraphernalia"
Ever.
Just don’t let it happen.
Ever.
Every nanny and babysitter has a story like this, we don’t need two.
Because we totally will tell our friends.
And laugh.
Because we are the mature young adults you trust to watch your children.
 | ||
| nypost.com |
OH MY GOSH!!!!
I read once that in google reader, which i don't use, you can see every time someone publishes, even if they don't mean to. So when I hit post, delete, edit over and over am I spamming your reader like crazy?
WHOOPS
WHOOPS
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
WW: The Best Part of Being a Nanny is Getting in Touch with Your Inner Child
I've always loved swinging. The dance, and the rope and seat version, that is. Especially at night. As an adult I've strolled onto my old elementary schools playground after dark to swing on the big swings, and my butt *almost* still fits. It's totally relaxing to the point of being transcendent. Every kids deserve a swing, to come as close as possible to flying...
So the family I live with/ nanny for totally believes their house to be haunted. I mean, it is. Suffice it to say for now, right through those trees and fence, across the highway, is an old cemetery, up on a hill to protect it from floods. The children buried their come play on our stairs at night...
 |
| http://faith-simplicity.blogspot.com/2011/01/photography-challenge-something.html |
Friday, January 21, 2011
Snow Day=Scary!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Some Futures I Thought I Might Have
I came across an article, it's at thehairpin.com, that I thought was both very clever and entertaining, and super duper funny, so I decided to do my own version.
It can be found here: http://thehairpin.com/2010/12/some-futures-i-thought-i-might-have/
Reading it first might make this, make more sense,
Y'all, write your own too if you want! My friend Gracie already did, but I don't think I can link to it. I'm trying to make it the newest pass along over on Facebook. I feel like I'm coming out of the closet here.
Some futures I thought I might have
This is more memoir, than autobiography, if you know what I mean...
Age 3: I am secretly very special. Someday my powers will be known as I conquer the universe and save the world. I am basically a secret superhero.
Age 7: Ah, I guess it would be nice to do what it seems my mother did. Become very old (like 12), then conquer the teenage years with grace and confidence, then grow up, get a four year degree at a church school, then get married and BREED BREED BREED!!!!!!!!!!
And also be a vet with horse.
Age 9: I will write a book that encompasses my whole soul. It will be epic, read by all, and never forgotten.
Age 12: I will become a journalist or photographer or zoologist or definitely an actress, you know, something cool.
I will also do whatever the heck I want to, including buying that gorgeous mountain *wink to Anna* I saw at Grand Tetons National Park that looked like it had a naturally forming ice skating rink and build a castle there and live there with my husband will still maintaining the ability to order Pizza Hut.
Age 14: I will marry Johnny Depp or possibly a sexy 20 years older professor. Maybe both (not at the same time.) We will never argue about electricity bills or potatoes. He will be exactly like me only much better and obviously brilliant. He will wear jackets with elbow patches and grade papers at his oak desk in our library in our house near a bay window overlooking the snow covered woods in upstate new york. We will rear wholesome intellectuals.
Age 15: All men will be driven underground and harvested for sperm. I will rule.
Age 17: This will all go away and I will become Idina Menzel.
Age 18: My liberal arts education will infuse me with all knowledge of art, history, and everything worth knowing. I will be a stunning investigative journalist and also David Sedaris and a columnist for the New York Times. Gay men that I like will fall in love with me. Everything worth doing will be done and the world will be seen and traveled. I will move to the city and be amazing and also brilliant. No... No... I will become an amazing psychologist with 15 hundred grad degrees and a few books to my name. My theories will change the world. There will be no more suffering from abuse or mental illness and things I hate because of me. I will become proficient in the violin and at least two other instruments. I will memorize encyclopedias, wear power suits, speak every language, write screenplays, be a political activist, and attend literary book clubs with my brilliant and culturally diverse group of friends. I will constantly be offered research grants, invited to important national conferences and conventions, be given Pulitzer and Nobel Prizes, and be published in scholarly academic journals. There will be a large plot of land where every humane society animal in the country will run free. I will NEVER marry. If all else fails I will get a flat in London with Melissa and lots of used books, cats, and brightly colored scarves. I will do stuff like this or die. So shut up. Also be Youtube famous.
Age 19: I will get up and secretly go to a fertility specialist. I will induce lactation using a combination of herbs, hormones, and pumping. When I am sufficiently milky I will move to Bangladesh and breastfeed all the orphans til I die. BUW-HAHA!
Age 20: I will maybe like, you know, be selling my handmade fertility beads, and I could, like successfully do freelance writing online and do some gardening? And could birth babies and be being a Doula, and be sort of, practicing kinesiology on people and animals. And be like, teaching inner-city kids to dance, or the deaf kids? And be selling herbs out of the back of the van, while, i don’t know, drinking tea, writing poetry, and wearing funny skirts. Hm. With my husband. Whatever.
Now: I will become very close to God and also get married and then I will invite every foster child and abused Cambodian and Romania orphan into my home. We will all hold hands and dance to the beat of the bongo drum. None of them will have the same color skin as me and when they are crazy you can’t blame my genes. We will bring pies to invalid old ladies as a group and our hearts will be filled. I will solve all their problems and successfully rear them using only hugs and uninterrupted eye contact. And they will all wear tutus and brightly colored yoga skirts. Even the boys. At the beach.
The End.
And thanks
It can be found here: http://thehairpin.com/2010/12/some-futures-i-thought-i-might-have/
Reading it first might make this, make more sense,
Y'all, write your own too if you want! My friend Gracie already did, but I don't think I can link to it. I'm trying to make it the newest pass along over on Facebook. I feel like I'm coming out of the closet here.
Some futures I thought I might have
This is more memoir, than autobiography, if you know what I mean...
Age 3: I am secretly very special. Someday my powers will be known as I conquer the universe and save the world. I am basically a secret superhero.
Age 7: Ah, I guess it would be nice to do what it seems my mother did. Become very old (like 12), then conquer the teenage years with grace and confidence, then grow up, get a four year degree at a church school, then get married and BREED BREED BREED!!!!!!!!!!
And also be a vet with horse.
Age 9: I will write a book that encompasses my whole soul. It will be epic, read by all, and never forgotten.
Age 12: I will become a journalist or photographer or zoologist or definitely an actress, you know, something cool.
I will also do whatever the heck I want to, including buying that gorgeous mountain *wink to Anna* I saw at Grand Tetons National Park that looked like it had a naturally forming ice skating rink and build a castle there and live there with my husband will still maintaining the ability to order Pizza Hut.
Age 14: I will marry Johnny Depp or possibly a sexy 20 years older professor. Maybe both (not at the same time.) We will never argue about electricity bills or potatoes. He will be exactly like me only much better and obviously brilliant. He will wear jackets with elbow patches and grade papers at his oak desk in our library in our house near a bay window overlooking the snow covered woods in upstate new york. We will rear wholesome intellectuals.
Age 15: All men will be driven underground and harvested for sperm. I will rule.
Age 17: This will all go away and I will become Idina Menzel.
Age 18: My liberal arts education will infuse me with all knowledge of art, history, and everything worth knowing. I will be a stunning investigative journalist and also David Sedaris and a columnist for the New York Times. Gay men that I like will fall in love with me. Everything worth doing will be done and the world will be seen and traveled. I will move to the city and be amazing and also brilliant. No... No... I will become an amazing psychologist with 15 hundred grad degrees and a few books to my name. My theories will change the world. There will be no more suffering from abuse or mental illness and things I hate because of me. I will become proficient in the violin and at least two other instruments. I will memorize encyclopedias, wear power suits, speak every language, write screenplays, be a political activist, and attend literary book clubs with my brilliant and culturally diverse group of friends. I will constantly be offered research grants, invited to important national conferences and conventions, be given Pulitzer and Nobel Prizes, and be published in scholarly academic journals. There will be a large plot of land where every humane society animal in the country will run free. I will NEVER marry. If all else fails I will get a flat in London with Melissa and lots of used books, cats, and brightly colored scarves. I will do stuff like this or die. So shut up. Also be Youtube famous.
Age 19: I will get up and secretly go to a fertility specialist. I will induce lactation using a combination of herbs, hormones, and pumping. When I am sufficiently milky I will move to Bangladesh and breastfeed all the orphans til I die. BUW-HAHA!
Age 20: I will maybe like, you know, be selling my handmade fertility beads, and I could, like successfully do freelance writing online and do some gardening? And could birth babies and be being a Doula, and be sort of, practicing kinesiology on people and animals. And be like, teaching inner-city kids to dance, or the deaf kids? And be selling herbs out of the back of the van, while, i don’t know, drinking tea, writing poetry, and wearing funny skirts. Hm. With my husband. Whatever.
Now: I will become very close to God and also get married and then I will invite every foster child and abused Cambodian and Romania orphan into my home. We will all hold hands and dance to the beat of the bongo drum. None of them will have the same color skin as me and when they are crazy you can’t blame my genes. We will bring pies to invalid old ladies as a group and our hearts will be filled. I will solve all their problems and successfully rear them using only hugs and uninterrupted eye contact. And they will all wear tutus and brightly colored yoga skirts. Even the boys. At the beach.
The End.
And thanks
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving
One Dozen Things I've been Blessed to Enjoy This Morning
12. My ibook, also my cell phone when i got a txt from my sister saying hey i just met Kristin Chenowith and she signed my playbill
11. I found a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup in the Couch and I ate it and it tasted like lint!
10. Cute cute kids and our frogs
9. My lacey black skirt
8. Stupid TV and great comedy
7. Thinking "oh i feel guilty I'm stupid" and then going, "no self, don't do that," and I'm glad I'm learning how to do that
6. My gorgeous nude mother and baby carving from Bali
5. Hope and imagination
4. Cozy and that lovin' feelin in the air!
3. Food Smells
2. Glitter and Sparkles in my eyes
1. Blogs that I read and blogs that I write!
12. My ibook, also my cell phone when i got a txt from my sister saying hey i just met Kristin Chenowith and she signed my playbill
11. I found a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup in the Couch and I ate it and it tasted like lint!
10. Cute cute kids and our frogs
9. My lacey black skirt
8. Stupid TV and great comedy
7. Thinking "oh i feel guilty I'm stupid" and then going, "no self, don't do that," and I'm glad I'm learning how to do that
6. My gorgeous nude mother and baby carving from Bali
5. Hope and imagination
4. Cozy and that lovin' feelin in the air!
3. Food Smells
2. Glitter and Sparkles in my eyes
1. Blogs that I read and blogs that I write!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Etsy
I sold my first fertility beads on Etsy!!!!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/53735875/fertility-cycle-beads-menstruation
Edit: I've sold two now! I just love this!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/53735875/fertility-cycle-beads-menstruation
Edit: I've sold two now! I just love this!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Crazy Cat Lady?
- http://www.nataliedee.com/
- http://icanhascheezburger.com/
- She hides under the bed, poor dear
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Wordless Wednesday: Baby Slug
I found this little guy while pressing fall leaves, and posed him. I didn't realize how to change the exposure, so it's too bright, but I'm proud anyway. Now I know. Like?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Comics
Zits by Jerry Scott and illustrated by Jim Borgman, Gary Larson, toothpastefordinner.com, hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com
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